In search of SOUL

I was not settled for these two years. My heart n soul were at flux. I knew I had left lot unsaid n incomplete. Last when I had left Gujarat, it was a random n drastic transition of place. I had not bid proper adieu to the people.
I got this opportunity to go back. I restarted from where I had left. Everyone I met was warm n kind. They smiled and showed happiness on their faces. We talked a lot. They asked me so many questions about why I  had left n how I was. Some of them were quite updated. They had found out about my family, the reason why I had shifted from Gujarat, and how were things now. They inquired about my work. Some of them remarked that I had not changed. Some remarked the usual, "you've lost more weight", to which I always reply "the competition is strong" (looking at my sister who has an awesome wardrobe, which I am always eyeing on).
When I entered my home in Gujarat, I was on an auto mode, i.e. I could switch on the power buttons even with closed eyes. I hanged the bag in the usual place. I walked up to the bedroom to put my ear-rings on the same dressing table. I knew, I had never left the place! I was still living there for all those 2 years.
When I saw my sister drive the car, I thought, would I be able to! But the minute I put my hands on the wheel, I maneuvered it like it was only my deal ever. When I entered the kitchen, the salt and the sugar was in the same jar, in the same corner of the larder. She was full of instructions of "where to find it", but my heat plate was already set on cooking mode!
 It feels great to have met all those trees, birds, streets, roads, places, people and most of all MY OWN SOUL.... now I am at peace. Now I will be at peace with my self wherever I shall be! 

When u decide ..to Love or Not to Love!

Someone asked: Do u agree "Sometimes we decide to stop loving someone, not because they don't love us but because we find that they are  happier without us..."

I responded:

I disagree, and added....

When I am happier without someone, I would just stop somewhere; or when I am really unhappy with someone, I would stop somewhere.

Second last, If someone stops, I am obviously not thinking!

LAST... No one stops to LOVE, they stop being together to express and share it!

Gandhinagar- My Haven and Heaven

I lived in Koba village of Gandhinagar for more than 2 years, in the campus of an Institute/University. It was no less than a sanctuary. One side was the dry river-bed of Sabarmati. One could stand and stare at the place for hours together and breathe joy and peace. There was peace because there was distance from confusion n noise.

Every-day, I had to drive those first 4kms. to reach the main road. This 4km road was lined with three major educational institutes of India, including the Institute of Hotel Management. This is the other side of Gandhinagar, actually. This road connects to the Sardar Vallabhabhai Patel International Airport, a quick connect in 15-20 minutes (from Bhaijipura).

Moving a little further, towards Gandhinagar town, one finds City Pulse, the first multiplex of the city. City Pulse is a place to be at, every weekend. The live music band in the open campus, CPIFT (City Pulse Institute of Film and Televisison), three silver-screens, one video screen(25 seater) and one (Pandit Nandan Mehta) Auditorium. I have watched many a classics (English, Hindi, Bangla) displayed on projector in this auditorium, besides every Friday release.

When I used to go to the town, it was a feeling of sheer luxury driving on those roads. They were clean. The number of trees that lined the roads outnumbered the people on roads. There were no traffic-policemen. (The first traffic Policeman was appointed at gha zero somewhere in 2011).

Though Gandhinagar is the capital city you would not find the urbanization n development kill the rustic-touch and the hold on culture and tradition. In my home, at nights, I could hear the sound of steps of dancing foots of vagabonds on the real Gujarati and sometimes Rajasthani folk music.

It’s an organized city laced with all facilities. The roads run parallel named Ka, Kha, Ga, Gha, Cha, Chha roads. (These are named after the Hindi alphabets) Each road has the streets cutting across the cross-road circles- zero, one two, therefore named Gha zero, Gha one, Gha two and so on..

The city’s zero point can be recognized at Gha Zero, which connects to Ahmedabad via SG Hghway (Sarkhej-Gandhinagar Hw). One can cover a distance of 25 kms in 35 minutes safely. At Gha Zero, one finds The INFOCITY, having its own Infocity Resort, a huge IT hub (with giants like TCS having more than thousand employees), sporting the brands like Bellezza, Koutons, Woodland, Adidas, Bata, Pizzahut, and other branded/non-branded shops n food-joints and branch offices of SBI and IDBI (I am sure I am missing out many more names), all in one place. This huge hub is surrounded by two more Educational institutes which also include‘THE’ NID (National Institute of Design). The evenings were rollicking with the young crowd from all over India who had come to work or study. Lot of them in-fact stayed in the Infocity’s residential apartments.

Then, there was another place I visited frequently, Sector 21. It’s a shopping place. One could find the cloth-merchants here, the jewelers, the tailors, the local vendors, the vegetable market (an up-town organized one) etc.

Little further to Gandhinagar is Akshardham, a temple and a picnic place as well.

The city stretches far and wide. It was so organized that the green would remain preserved for very long. There is enough space for people and trees to stay and stick to each-other.

One place that I liked being at was the Karai-Dam (It’s not proper Gandhinagar though). Only a person who has been to this place would know what bliss one feels there.

P.S. There is so much more I could’ve written but the Modi-land is so beautiful that my description in words would never do enough justice to the reality. I would want to write more about its people next time.

Lot of it is not a 'give n take' in speaking n listening...

Last night while talking to one of my acquaintance, a discussion took us to a direction where one of us turned away faces. Although, this was not the first time, it must have hurt one of us so much that one could not further the talk. Fair-unfair cannot be decided till we understand the small idea that lot of it is not a 'give n take...'

All the people want to speak, some are fair listeners, very few are fair dealers. The speakers want listeners, the listeners want those who speak less and spare them of the deal, the fair dealers do the needful, they listen, then speak and then listen again. Usually fair dealers are like counselors, whom others treat as strike-bag. Mostly these people are good at listening because their focus is not on speaking but on absorbing and observing. They provide the speakers the affiliation and acceptance, they are looking for, without being judgmental. 

Otherwise I am also one who loves to speak, but I have always tried to be a fair dealer. (I am able to be one because of the kind of Fair-dealers who have brought me up, taught me or I have got a chance to work with Nirav Pathak, Mohit Mangal Clat Mentor, Neeraj Jain, Dr. Joan Fernandez). I want to hear to people what they have to say, and accept their words on face-value. Mostly I hold my observations till I am asked for. I also try to put my words with least negativity. 

Now comes a part where I am suppose to speak, rather share. For me, life is not about dealing with it as if it were a wrestling match. I was always a very "me" person. I have few people who are a part of this "me". They have as much right over my thoughts as much I have. I share with them candidly. I observe a certain control over random thoughts. These random thoughts come and go un-shared 'cause I do not want every passing thought to affect me too close. 

Then there are some personal moments of my life. I like to keep them with myself because they are not thoughts or ideas. They are some very personal feelings shared with one or two people. Its about the people who are part of them. I keep them in my personal pandora. They are shared with only those who were part of it. 

Now those who have come to me, spoke to me, shared their lot with me would sometimes expect the same from me ( I recall one of such an acquaintance, who wanted to share a very personal affair with me, started with asking me... 'has this ever happened to u....' Now lot of the readers must be thinking, "she is talking about me"... Cheerio!!!!   ). 

Sometimes its a betrayal to share the precious personal moments with a third person, so I tell them to come to their point instead of discussing my life. There is sometimes 'no give n take' while one is speaking and the other is listening... The listener does it with no ulterior goals. 

People can speak personal things, but they should not expect that the listener is going to do the same. Rather the listener would do good to you till he or she is "just listening and responding to your feelings, without mixing their own into it"...

The Art of making people fall in Love with me...

I am an Artist. My art is 'to make people fall in Love with me". Once they fall in love with me, what do you think they do! No, they don't get obsessed with me and I don't start controlling them. I let the Bond of Love build on Independence and sometimes Interdependence. 

We share our strengths and make each other more self-reliant. They do not come and cry thinking I would help them out. We just talk and feel better. We talk about how weak we feel at times, but we do not highlight the weaknesses much. 

We usually laugh a lot and then sometimes I express anger also, genuine anger, when I do not like something. They do not dislike me. They think of why I was angry. Sometimes they say sorry, sometimes they give explanations and sometimes 'do nothing' and let it pass. Its easy. Then I fake being angry a little longer and at last we laugh out loud. It makes us happy and more in love. So we switch between "Angry birds" and 'Love birds". If at all my anger touches in-genuine heights, I go and start talking naturally. This is also easy.

Gradually when we have shared enough, we feel empowered. Then we do not need to talk much. We just sometimes drop in to say hello. We are always aware that the other one is easily approachable.

Practicing this art has helped me a lot. So many people love me now. I feel elated we love each other. The emptiness I once faced is not there. I am more hopeful now. Getting to know so much about others' lives is like taking Group therapy. It heals me. I suppose, they stay in love with me because they also experience the same.

P.S. I have not given out the secret of "How to make people fall in love". I still have to figure that out. Its an art and not a science, u see! 

Feel at home when you're home (today's astro advice)

This time I know it was a dream, a morning dream. People say dreams witnessed in morning come true. I had taken an early bus to some place at Ashram road. On my way back, I took an auto to the bus-stand at Panjarapole;I have no idea why! At Panjarapole I missed the bus twice. So I opted to walk. Can you imagine "walk" from Panjarapole to Gandhinagar, hah! Crazy indeed! Dreams, you see, are crazy. They are not real; They are the Royal Road to the Unconscious. On the way I saw several buses speeding by. When I tried to stop the bus, the conductors shouted out loud "make it quick". But the buses never stopped really and I couldn't run fast enough to catch them. I kept walking. When I reached Ashram Road, an auto-rick stopped by, i almost jumped to sit inside and the driver started driving to Gandhinagar.We started talking casually. The driver also found it strange that I had gone to Panjarapole to take a bus. While on the rick, my sister called up to tell me I had guests in the evening so I better make in time. When I reached home my sister was ready with evening snacks and dinner for guests. For a change she had not left the responsibility for me 'cause she knew I would be late and tired. I was happy, after the long day, that I was "FEELING at home when I was Home."

Written on 16th June in my hometown

"How did I reach there?"This question is knocking my mind! ...Today, I drove all the way on SG highway; clouds indicated rains; every five hundred meters, the vendors with green stacks of fresh corn, with one large aluminium vessel of boiling corns n a coal sigri for roasted once were standing on the road side, the aroma emanating filled the air and my senses too.
Ya....I really dunno how i reached this place called Crazy Noodles, a small food joint with genuine flavours. The door-keeper opened the door with the same smile n i could sense the familiarity on his face. Does he recognize me even today! Isn't it been long back I came here? Probably, it was just last week, or last month. Ah! why get into the confusion of time n space! I m here at my favorite place. Strange though, I am alone! She must be coming! Or may be she is already there waiting for me.
I ordered my favourite noodles with soup; what is it called, Tom-yum, or Yumkum. I can't recall...why can't i open the menu-card? Where is the menu card?
The waiter, who looks more like a bouncer but is ever smiling, greeted me, like always. He placed three glasses of water. Possibly, he guessed that others are coming along. These are the same glasses with pointed bottoms which come to rest, tilted, with a "t-ling" sound. Today, for the first time, i wasn't startled.
Next came the large white bowl, full of the sumptuous delight. I must have ordered dimsums too; cause he is also coming with the cane-steamer. My mouth is watered. I can't wait any more. Its blissful. While I wolfed down the soup, noodles n dimsums, I was still unaware, "How I reached here?"