Lot of it is not a 'give n take' in speaking n listening...

Last night while talking to one of my acquaintance, a discussion took us to a direction where one of us turned away faces. Although, this was not the first time, it must have hurt one of us so much that one could not further the talk. Fair-unfair cannot be decided till we understand the small idea that lot of it is not a 'give n take...'

All the people want to speak, some are fair listeners, very few are fair dealers. The speakers want listeners, the listeners want those who speak less and spare them of the deal, the fair dealers do the needful, they listen, then speak and then listen again. Usually fair dealers are like counselors, whom others treat as strike-bag. Mostly these people are good at listening because their focus is not on speaking but on absorbing and observing. They provide the speakers the affiliation and acceptance, they are looking for, without being judgmental. 

Otherwise I am also one who loves to speak, but I have always tried to be a fair dealer. (I am able to be one because of the kind of Fair-dealers who have brought me up, taught me or I have got a chance to work with Nirav Pathak, Mohit Mangal Clat Mentor, Neeraj Jain, Dr. Joan Fernandez). I want to hear to people what they have to say, and accept their words on face-value. Mostly I hold my observations till I am asked for. I also try to put my words with least negativity. 

Now comes a part where I am suppose to speak, rather share. For me, life is not about dealing with it as if it were a wrestling match. I was always a very "me" person. I have few people who are a part of this "me". They have as much right over my thoughts as much I have. I share with them candidly. I observe a certain control over random thoughts. These random thoughts come and go un-shared 'cause I do not want every passing thought to affect me too close. 

Then there are some personal moments of my life. I like to keep them with myself because they are not thoughts or ideas. They are some very personal feelings shared with one or two people. Its about the people who are part of them. I keep them in my personal pandora. They are shared with only those who were part of it. 

Now those who have come to me, spoke to me, shared their lot with me would sometimes expect the same from me ( I recall one of such an acquaintance, who wanted to share a very personal affair with me, started with asking me... 'has this ever happened to u....' Now lot of the readers must be thinking, "she is talking about me"... Cheerio!!!!   ). 

Sometimes its a betrayal to share the precious personal moments with a third person, so I tell them to come to their point instead of discussing my life. There is sometimes 'no give n take' while one is speaking and the other is listening... The listener does it with no ulterior goals. 

People can speak personal things, but they should not expect that the listener is going to do the same. Rather the listener would do good to you till he or she is "just listening and responding to your feelings, without mixing their own into it"...