Chinmay is one of those kids who get a stomach-ache just when it's time for school. Today, I asked him, would you go to school, should we send you to school, he said, after a little thought, noooo! Nikita promptly said yes to the same question.
Chinmay is the "puzzle guy". He started making "Peppa pig jigsaw puzzle" at the age a little above 3years. The puzzle has 108 small pieces and it is meant for kids who are 6+. That wasn't surprising for us. We had gifted the kids an "India puzzle" on their 3rd birthday. Chinmay, we call him Bholu, was super excited. He practised that puzzle of 108 pieces so much that he could make the part of oceans almost blindly. But the kids are not able to complete this puzzle on their own, even today, even though the number of pieces is same, probably because the size is bigger and too many colours are there in it. Also, the shapes of states are less concievable as the puzzle is so made that one state is cut into several pieces.
Chinmay loves to talk a lot. He sometimes speaks so much that we need to tell him to stop. Also, until a while ago, he behaved like a parrot. He would simply repeat every word he would hear from any mouth.
He is not able to name the colours but has a concrete concept of colours ever since he was 1 and a half. He used to make extraordinary, symmetrical, colour co-ordinated structures from his lego pieces. They are large lego pieces. It remained his only favourite game for over 1 year. Infact I taught both kids the method of solving jigsaw for the first time when we bought "animal puzzle" when we went to Mysore in July 2017. It had 24 pieces cut in thin wood, set on a thin woodden board. The kids were then 2 and a half. I taught them to pick up pieces of same colours and arrange them. I also taught them the concept of corner pieces and side pieces. Chinmay took a long time to learn it, almost a month, but once learnt, he just made the puzzle in such a manner as if the whole picture is etched on the brain. He used to pick up random piece and put it in it's place even if it was a centre piece. So, now, after full one year, he still doesn't name any colour. If I ask him "which color is this", he says, "umm, tum batao".
At one and a half, when I took the kids to a daycare in Magarpatta, Eureka daycare, I learnt a lot over there. I saw the kind of games used to keep the kids engaged. I immediately started looking for those games. The first was arranging cut-outs on board. We bought a cut-out game for carpenting tools. Nikita was way too fast to learn it. There were tools like drill machine, spirit-level, spanner, screwdriver, pliers etc, some 8-10 prices to be put in right grooves. So at a little above 1 and a half, Nikita showed clear signs of smartness in her activities. The kids were still not speaking until then. We were not concerned, but were eager to hear them speak. I changed the first daycare immediately after 1 month i.e. 31st August'16, for two reasons. The first reason for taking the kids to daycare was to let them interact with other kids. The daycare was so far that I had to remain in the vicinity to pick them up back home. The cost of commuting was way too high, one way a hundred bucks. The second reason of sending the kids to daycare was to wean Nikita. She was almost completely on breast feed until then. I was hoping that when she was in daycare, she would gradually get weaned. But, the problem was I was leaving the kids for only three hours, and she could easily hold up for three hours, but after that I was available. So, on 29th August, I explained to the little kid that now she won't get breastmilk and she will have to start having milk from sipper. It was a three day journey to her weaning. On 1st September, the task was accomplished. I took a break from the daycare routine, and soon found myself failing to take the kids out of house, even in evenings. Taking two of them outside always remained difficult for me due to my own mental blocks. Anyways, we found another daycare, close by, with a pick and drop facility. This daycare was owned by Little Millenium School. The owner, Ms. Deblina, was a fine lady, but the kids were taken care by random aayahs (maids). The kids went only for three hours, I managed a strict routine in the house. When the kids came home, I gave them milk, put them to sleep and slept with them. I used to be terribly tired by then, so I had to sleep. When we woke up, I gave them more milk and put up rhymes on the i-pad and kept a watch on them from the kitchen.
Here on I saw very good changes in Nikita (Bholi). She was usually happy to go to daycare. Weaning had great effects on her interpersonal skills. She could easily mix up and make friends with other kids. She was a little uneasy in company of new adult faces. So, I knew it's her natural girl instinct. She was a caring sister. She would always take care of bholu's milk bottle. She used to love running around. She could eat independently with the help of spoon. She was very good with taking care of herself. At this point I noticed that whenever she sat down to play, she would sit in a W- posture of legs. I was aware that it was wrong sitting posture, so I kept correcting her. I used the statement "cross your legs, Bholi" and she would immediately sit properly only to go back to form a W in a little while.
I showed my concern to Deblina, but after few days of watching on CCTV camera, she informed me that in the daycare, she never sat in wrong posture. I had to see it through my own eyes to confirm it. I was totally taken by surprise when I saw Bholi's sitting posture in the daycare. From that day, I avoided telling her "cross your legs", started using large mats and spreads on the floor, and whenever I had to correct her posture, I would simply sit with her and just quietly change her posture. Within a week or two, she quit sitting in W- posture. Nikita also showed more stubborn behavior lot of times. I even hit her oftentimes. She would deliberately hit bholu, snatch things from him, spoil food in the plate, spill milk etc. I used to train my mind not to hit, but that worked only for few weeks. Even today, I am still trying to get hold of my behaviour of expressing anger by hitting kids. It makes me feel all the more guilty.
I again changed the daycare after almost 4 months. I was not finding any major development in the kids. Rather, following strict schedules made it tough for me. Dropping and picking up kids according to the van- timings was sometimes difficult and tiring. Also, when a maid was replaced by another, I was not clearly informed whether the kids had food or which one of the two had soiled the diaper, or why did Bholu cry and whether any of the kids had slept in the daycare. I remember, one day, both kids wouldn't sleep at all after coming home. I was in the strict schedule mode of sleeping with them.y body and mind were giving up but the kids wouldn't sleep. I got terribly angry and beat the two of them. Bholu fell asleep after crying, Nikita ultimately didn't. I had dropped a message to Deblina. Later in the evening, she replied, the kids had slept in the daycare. I was exasperated at my behaviour and helplessness.
The kids were not speaking a word until then, not even "yes/no". Recalling that day makes me feel so ultimately bad about my situation and behaviour back then. There was another problem. The maids were keeping the video playing almost all the time, in the daycare. I was strictly against that concept. At least when the kids are eating, there shouldn't be any other distraction. Also, I was wanting bholu to quit bottle milk, if not completely, then partially. But, the daycare people could not engage him enough that he could forget the bottle. If I would give him a milk bottle or a bottle with water in it, he would keep the nipple of the bottle in his mouth constantly. He would cry inconsolably without it. I wanted him to start having fixed timings for milk, like thrice a day or so and get disengaged with the bottle after having done with milk. The maids in the daycare were not trying for it while at home I was able to do so. Also, the toilet training of the kids couldn't be done with the diapers on. I talked to Deblina about it. She agreed with me, but I knew that it wasn't her who was taking care of the kids. The maids were not even interacting with kids. Therefore the kids were not showing speech develpment either. None of the kids showed any attachment with any of the maids.
I changed the daycare. The new daycare "Happy Kids" lives up to it's name. This one was so close by that I could even walk back the kids with the help of another person. It has been one and a half year now and I am continuing with this one for several good reasons. It is 4 minutes by car and ten minutes walking distance. Therefore we drop the kids at flexible timings, we don't need pick and drop facilities.
I noticed the development in both kids within 10 days of joining it. They started speaking. Earlier, Nikita could speak bye-bye and apple, bag, cat, dum(drum), (demonstrate elephant's trunk but not speak), fish, jacket. On their second birthday, Hema had gifted an ABC picture cards set. Bholi simply got stuck to it, so much that I had to carry it along with me when I went to Lucknow that March. I also recall, Bholi used to love watching Chu-chu tv rhymes on I pad. After every short sequence there used to be a "bye-bye". She would copy it in the same tone. She would sometimes come running from another room just to say "bye-bye" in chorus with the video playing.
After joining Happy Kids daycare, new words started. She could also respond in yes - no, even if she didn't say it. Basic ability to interact started from here. In the very first month, the daycare lady, Sakshi, said that it's time enough to quit diapers. I was happy to hear it come from her. We both started the kids toilet training. She helped me to accustom the kids to take milk from glass, also because she started keeping Bholu away from hanging the bottle in his mouth. She did not play videos or television when my kids were there. This was a request and condition I had put before her and she helped me with it completely. The kids also started developing better eating habits, less or negligible vomiting. They started taking proper lunch of roti sabzi. They started carrying individual tiffin boxes. Sakshi always informed me about their activities, including food and potty. I told her to never allow the kids to sleep in the daycare unless I am extending their timings. Sakshi was always keeping the kids engaged. She sang and danced with them, talked to them, and didn't rely on a maid. She was an experienced pre-school teacher as well as experienced with daycare. She is now my most reliable help when it involves kids. The timings are flexible. The money is never an issue with her.
Nikita showed remarkable changes with Sakshi miss. She recites 7-8 poems, both Hindi, English. She recites the ABC poem like a pro. She knows names of all colours and recognise various hues as well. Kids learnt a prayer. Bholi says names of days like a five year old can't. She plays with kids. Her leadership skills came to the front. Sakshi is all praises for her. She says "Nikita is different of all the kids. She has never behaved childish. She is extremely smart". In Sakshi's daycare both kids learnt counting on fingers. Nikita does counting till twenty, by far the biggest landmark. She skips twelve though. Earlier, when she started one-two, she always skipped five. With all our efforts, I and Jayprakash could not correct her and left her as she was not even 3 year old. It was a major change that she started correct counting that too on fingers. Sakshi miss had put Herculean efforts, I guess.
Nikita does not like to play alone. She does not like being second in the race, be it getting ready with clothes and shoes or be it learning a new song, rhyme, activity. She beat all our thinking. I had instructed Sakshi not to give her pencil until the age of 4, which meant she was getting only cryons for colouring. Nikita wrote A to I on a certain day in July 2018. Although it's not strange for a kid to write alphabets at the age of 3 and a half but the surprise element was that we never really made her write it on paper with pencil, pen or cryons. She loves writing and reading so much that if I am teaching anyone, Swaraj or Purva (my students) or teaching English to Sakshi miss, Bholi has to have her own notebook. I used an atta plate to make her draw alphabets with a finger. She enjoyed that activity the most. So in three or four sittings, she must have asked me to make as many as ten alphabets. One fine day, she wrote all the 10 alphabets except 'G'.
Nikita loves colouring. Her colouring is so clean that it's difficult to make out whether it's printed or she has coloured it.
Homeschooling :
The kids are getting homeschooled. Very few parents in India wait till the age of 3 for kids to go to school. Most of the kids join preschool, even if it's play-group, by the age of 2 and a half. This puts immense pressure on parents in their morning schedule. The kids usually don't get up on their own or get ready willingly. Jayprakash and I don't have to handle that part. My kids get up on their own. Bholu gets up early, by 8.30. He usually has his morning activity decided in the previous night. So he directly heads to that activity. It can include an incomplete puzzle or a new game that he has not yet got expertise on. Or it could be something like having a half saved chocolate. So he directly goes to finish that task.
Nikita takes her own time to get up, usually as late as 9.30. The kids brush their teeth with Papa's help, wash their faces, pee, and then sit down for milk. Then they play around, sit with Papa for breakfast if they are hungry or their choicest poha or bread butter or uttappa or alloo parantha (we call it butter parantha) or coffee parantha is there for breakfast. I prohibit them from biscuits as much as coming down to 1 biscuit a day. Then they go to washroom to bathe on their own. They play and bathe in 10 minutes. They sometimes chose their own clothes. Mostly they dress up on their own. Kids started wearing clothes on their own when they were 2 and a half that now includes t-shirts, button down shirts, denims, trousers, pants, panties, stockings, socks and shoes and even sandals.
They help me in the kitchen by taking out and keeping back things in the refrigerator. They put plates, cups glasses in the basin. They throw garbage in two separate bins. Bholu keeps the dustbins outside to be picked. We all are able to do all of these activities and let the kids take their own time because we don't have to rush them to a school. We also spend our time in doing activities because there is no homework or a fixed frame of activity given by school. We are in no pressure to make the kids write while they are still not fully ready for it. We also don't have to dress them up as strawberry or rabbit or red/ green colour object. We don't have to define their tiffin box as sprout and fruit and bread and sabzi-roti. It's simple tiffin. A box of assorted fruits to be consumed before lunch. A roti- sabzi or equivalent Indian lunch. If possible, a snack. Kids consume all of it with little fuss.
One activity that no kid in my knowledge does at the age of 3 is folding clothes in proper folds and keeping them in the right drawer in the cupboard. Nikita and Chinmay had started folding their pajamas at around two and a half and keeping them in their respective drawers. Gradually they learnt folding other clothes. Then I explained them which drawer holds which clothes eg. Sakshi miss wali drawer for clothes meant for daycare, pyjama drawer. Both kids have four drawers each.
The kids are just normal with discipline part like no snacking before meals, no television in the house and no videos during meals.
We never use the word " bored". Each one of us are always busy in something. Bholu has an attention span of 1-2 hours. It is extraordinary for a child so small. Bholi has an attention span that lasts till she completes one full activity, be it colouring or Lego structures or any kinesthetic activity like cutting paper or weaving with thread through holes on board.
